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Member 11 posts
Posted one month ago
My D is in early stages with her ED and has to go to CAMHS every week to be weighed. I find these days so stressful and upsetting. If she has gained she is furious and I know she will be trying to loose it during the coming week which she always does. I feel like piggy in the middle with CAMHS nurse saying I need to encourage her to eat adult sized meals, healthy food, more dairy, plenty of fluids, but not to be to forceful or let my frustration or feelings show. This is so difficult. I am in turmoil and sometimes I just can't hide my feelings and we argue. Then I feel guilty. I make or buy her the food she says she wants, I serve her half an adult portion and am lucky if, after picking over it for half an hour, she eats half. My fridge is full of little pots of leftovers. I don't know why I keep them she's never going to come and ask for the rest of that meal she left yesterday!
Admin 153 posts
Dear Say my name,
I recognise so clearly what you describe, it seems to be left to us as parents to manage the eating and the truth is that is a very complex and difficult role, it is impossible I would say to be dispassionate about it. My daughter was the same as yours she so wanted to restore to get out of that cold place, and weighing day was awful, she would hate herself if she had lost weight, but she would really hate herself if she had gained weight even though I know that she knew how important it was. And as a mum she knew exactly which buttons to press with me and so I spent as much time crumbling as I tried to keep to the plan, to keep times rigid and portion size exact.
I would ask you is there anywhere where you can get support? so that you can be clear on your role, or even just somewhere to go off and scream and shout and then come back calm and keep a consistent supportive approach. I would also say when a day goes pear shaped just let it go and start from scratch the next day, don't let it dampen your expectation.
I would also advocate keeping asking the support services what they can do to help, I know that thy are stretched but sometimes you have to make it clear to them what you need and what you feel your daughter needs.
Other tips; plan the menu away from mealtimes, and if your daughter finds the portion size too huge maybe negotiate a gradual increase in portion size. If she will do it its can be useful to involve her in the menu planning it might help.
Let me know how you get on
Thank you for your wise words. I do read everything on this forum and take a great deal of heart from all the posts. I am doubly stressed as I am looking after my Mum who has dementia and I am often at the table spoon feeding mum on my left and cajoling daughter on the right. I am literally piggy in the middle and I end up eating their leftovers as I hate seeing good food wasted! Then I hate myself for being fat and a bad role model to dd. We are in family councelling but all he wants to discuss is my and her dads relationship which I find very difficult. I have my garden so I talk to the roses.
oh gosh, sorry I missed that you were caring for your mum, goodness me do you gate any support/? I know that counselling is seen as support but it can also be tough as you are asked to face difficult issues. I am glad that you have the roses to talk to, but maybe you need more, what about friends and family or are there any nearby charities? Thank you for continuing to support this platform, sending you good wishes and hope