Real Life Account of Recovery

Recovery for me is very much a 'two steps forward, one step back' process, but the important thing is that I am finally heading in the right direction, and freedom is (generally!) where my aim lies. Not always though, and sometimes it is too hard to keep my eyes on where I am heading and I can slip back into the old thought patterns, the old way of life.

So far I have managed to get back on track slowly if I slip off and lose focus for a while. I've got a long way to go, but I can always hold on to the fact that the light is there and freedom can ultimately be mine. I am learning that it is ok to have bad days, it doesn't necessarily mean everything's a disaster. Those are the days I have to tell myself it's going to get better - tomorrow will be better.I still obsess over food, but it is gradually getting less and controlling me less. I am starting to go out more to places where there will be food, spending more time with my friends and family and missing out on a little less.

There are definitely two sides to recovery. Yes, it is terrifying, it really is- I'm not denying that. Learning to eat and risking being kind to yourself is overwhelming and I have days where I just don't know what to do with myself.The other side though is that it is worth it. It is the best move you can make, the most important and life changing decision. Recovery involves taking risks, it takes courage and determination, but as you get better, these things also grow so that you are able to cope with the next stage.

I've come a long way already and although I feel there is a long way to go and it's still really hard, I know in my life now there is much more positive. Life is better and improving. Recovery means freedom, liberation, being at peace with yourself.As you recover you start to feel real happiness - better than any you can get from starving or losing weight because it is REAL - and it's amazing as you start feeling it.

Maddy 21